I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
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