her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
where am i from again
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?