i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b