with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯