So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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