Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
