Please, let me fuck your mom
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
