when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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