The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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