mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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