non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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