My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
