I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
