I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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