i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
