When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
