when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
