I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
