Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
