i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
