I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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