so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
we're so committed to being not committed
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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