Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I wear drunk well.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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