So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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