woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
