searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
