Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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