To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
