I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm too high and old for this...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
