we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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