the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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