It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
