I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
