He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
