fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
