i think my mom watched the whole time
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
