I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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