uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
