I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
