Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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