First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
