Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
