I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
