what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
