Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
