I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
