U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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