I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
