she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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