i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
