; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
