I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
