Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
