We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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