ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
