She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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