Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
