Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
