oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
