I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
