The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
