my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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