you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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