I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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