i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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