would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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