Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
