Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
